happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
