I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
