My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
