I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I have post one night stand depression
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
