Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You were trust falling into bushes
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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