if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
