i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
