about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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