I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We are all done wearing pants today
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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