I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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