my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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