So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Randomize