I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
