Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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