wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
