NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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