I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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