Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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