I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Are we in a gay sports bar?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize