i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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