I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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