so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
