i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
