I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize