I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
