dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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