I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
