She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
