Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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