and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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