What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
this is an emotional support booty call
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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