why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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