I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
how drunk are you?
Several
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
