Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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