I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
