Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
