can u get pink eye on your cock?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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