It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
