Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
