All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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