Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
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