She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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