I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
