I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
