U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
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