Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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