dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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