I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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