i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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