I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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