using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
high people should be assigned attendants
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
MIDGETS
????
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
