I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
