Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
