there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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