he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
