i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize