JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
