in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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