cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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