omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
