dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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