I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize