She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
