Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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