You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
