Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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