The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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