and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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