I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
