Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
