yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
