Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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