my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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