I wish i was in the wii world.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
